Am I Raising a Monster?

Sometimes I don’t like my kid.

There, I said it.

Wait.

That was harsh.

Sometimes I’m annoyed by my kid.

Is that better?

Don’t judge me. I love her more than the night sky loves the stars. But these past few days? Whew! Little Miss has been testing me.

I don’t know if it’s her age, the fact that her cousin came to visit, or something to do with the blood moon, but she has been on my last nerve.

My husband believes she’s trying to get attention because her cousin is around. Personally, I just think she’s out to get me. One of the most annoying things she’s been doing lately is whining. I can’t take it.

“I had it first”

“I’m hungry”

“I can’t find my shin guard”

She’s warned that if she doesn’t use her normal voice, I ignore her. When I ignore her she touches me in annoying way. When she touches me in an annoying way, my blood boils. I don’t like to be tapped, and I don’t like people in my face. She knows this and does it anyway, because again, she’s out to get me.

Yesterday I had to clean her room. I’ve been waiting on her to do it and it’s been sitting like the city of ruins for a month. We can’t even allow Baby Miss to go in there, because she just might get shanked by a teddy bear. It’s dangerous!

Here are a list of some things that were found beneath the rubble:

·       Apple skin (I’m assuming of a Granny Smith)

·       A dead bee (Don’t ask)

·       Broken picture frame

·       Dried playdoh

·       Uncapped markers

·       Valentine’s day candy (in the closet)

·       My old nursing pad (Don’t ask again) (Of course it was unused!)

 

The only good that came from her mess is that the hubby and I no longer have to buy a new set of spoons. Found them!

I just feel like I don’t recognize her anymore. She’s changing and there are some things about her character that I am not pleased with all the time (or ever):

1.    She can be dishonest

2.    She loses everything

3.    She can be lazy

4.    She can be ungrateful

5.    She can be sneaky

6.    She can be hurtful

7.    She can be bossy

I look at this list and wonder if I’m raising a monster. What happened to the innocent 3 year old that loved tutus and Little Einsteins. Where did the girl go that would run into our arms and say, “Three people hug!” Where is the baby that I had almost 7 years ago that turned my life upside down. My heart hurts when we are bumping heads.

 I miss her. . . a lot.

One day I went to yell at her about her room and The Hubster said, “Look at yours” And then it hit me. Right. On. The. Head. Just like a V-8 commercial.

The ‘monster’ that I was afraid she was becoming was me.

I can be lazy, bossy, ungrateful, forgetful, dishonest with myself, and use hurtful words.

I read a quote the other day.

“Be the person you want your children to be”

It really struck my heart and I realized that being a parent is really, really hard. The fun stuff is easy. The sleepless nights and poopy diapers? I can do that with my eyes closed. (That’s an idiom, because it’s a ‘sleepless’ night. Okay I’m done. )

But raising a human? Lord.

When God gives me His kid, he’s giving me a HUGE responsibility. Sometimes I wonder if I’m qualified for such a position. I’m raising a person that will become a citizen of our society. I’m shaping a person that will live on this Earth. I have to teach her how to make decisions and how to live with morals. I have to teach her how to care for and serve others. I have to teach her how to live like Him.

There is no perfect method for this either.  Aside from the Bible, there is no handbook for perfect parenting. I didn't leave the hospital with a book titled " Raising a Human for Dummies". The only thing I know how to do is love. I know that if it came down to giving her my last breath, there would be no hesitation. As parents we try to give our kids everything we didn't have and more. Sometimes I wonder if its too much. Would that dead bee really have a place to hide if she didn't have fifty million toys and clothes on the floor? Would I be raising a more grateful kid, if she wasn't rewarded for every report card?

In the midst of it all, one thing that I know for sure is that she watches me and listens to everything. If I drop my dirty laundry on the floor, I can’t call the kettle black when she does the same. She uses sarcasm and has sassy ways? I need to check how I’m speaking to The Hubster.

The same goes for positive traits. I noticed that whatever project I’m working on, she wants to do the same. I’ve been collecting books for children in need and now she wants to collect notebooks.

“They need to write their dreams down, mommy.”

Little Miss isn’t a monster. She’s a human. A human that’s been on this Earth for nearly 7 years and only knows what she’s been taught. Her good days far outweigh her bad.

 The next time I think she’s out to get me, I’ll take some quiet time, step into the bathroom, and look in the mirror.

Until we land again,

Jeanell