The Fault in Our Stars. (John Green)
Both the book and the movie were everything I could imagine and more. I cried and laughed and smiled and dreamt. I fell in love with life all over again. The experience was beautiful. The author did a fantastic job of capturing the voices of teenagers struggling with illnessess, something I pray my children never have to endure. The author painted this window with his words and the world watched as two people fell in love.
When I read the last two words of the book yesterday morning, I sobbed. Like a baby. My heart strings were pulled in ways never before.
I asked aloud,
"Why live when you're just going to die?"
(Spoiler alert, someone dies)
"Why smile, when you know you'll eventually cry?"
Knowing my questions were natural, I still immediately wanted to take them back. I was shocked that the words had managed to escape my mouth. The mouth of someone who believes in celebrating everything. The one who is learning to capture joy in the smallest of things.
How were these fictional characters able to affect me in such a grand way?
It may have something to do with the fact that though they were made up, their stories were real. I've seen the eyes of a mother with a baby whose body was full of cancer. I've heard the cries of the friends of a teenager taken too soon on a dark road. I've felt my own tears drop to my lap when a loved one left the earth.
The truth is, death is real.
It's inevitable.
It hurts.
Badly.
Because it is out of our control it can be horrifying. No one ever wants to imagine the day that they cease to exist. For me it's unbearable to even consider. "What about my kids?" "I have plans" "How will Mike live without me?" He assures me he'll be fine.
The good news is that God's plans are so much bigger than mine. Though I will never truly understand how things work, I know that He works it out for my good.
If Jesus is love and Jesus beat death, then maybe, just maybe, love conquers death.
I don't mean that love will help us escape the pain or give us strength to smile when given the forbidden news that someone is gone. Pain is real, and John writes that it demands to be felt.
I mean that love can conquer the idea of death, the fear of death that swallows us up and steals our joy. Don't be mistaken, I know that my storms are coming. There will be a day that my husband reads words he wrote for me and plays our song. Or a day that I hold his hand before the casket is closed and whisper, "Forever and ever" one last time. We can't escape those clouds that will inevitably rain upon us. When I say that love can conquer death I mean this: When the storm settles, even for just a moment, we may be able to hear the song of a bird or spot a rainbow. A shimmer of light will appear because love always wins. We will have the strength to be still and be reminded of the joy. The memories. The character in the book called her limited time, her 'forever'. That's exactly what love enables us to do. To capture each moment and extend gratitude for what it's worth. Never ignoring the obvious, that it will one day end, but rather accepting it. Resting in the security of His love…the greatest love of all.
Though I can't control the number of days I'm given, I CAN choose what to do with those days.
When it rains, I can either choose to complain about changed plans or whip out the boots and hunt for puddles.
Life is a gift. An undeserving, fragile, yet exhilarating gift.
It needs to be celebrated.
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